Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
