the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
