Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
