If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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