operation harelip BJ is a go
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have tasted many bathrooms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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