you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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