So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did you get engaged???
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize