My nipple is on Facebook.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
