worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
