think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently you make a good broom.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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