I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
