Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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