Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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