Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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