when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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