Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize