im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
