That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
