4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
