Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize