Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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