he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
