then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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