capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
