That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
