we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
