evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
