you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
