dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
