did you get engaged???
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
