Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
