Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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