So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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