the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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