put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
