I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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