i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
