U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
