he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize