you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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