I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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