I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
