I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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