And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize