if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
