There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
