I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize