We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
