my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
