Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
