how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
