I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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