Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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