Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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