Too much gin, very little bucket
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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