Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
