went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
