I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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