I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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