Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
