this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
