I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
