I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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