omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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