____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize