guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
