god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
