Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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