I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
