Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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