u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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