i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
