Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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