she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
