Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
