The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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