Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
